How to get rid of annoying cyclists

If only there was some kind of magical way that you, the hard-working, road tax paying, only-slightly-over-the-limit driving motorist could wave a magic wand and then suddenly get rid of all of those annoying cyclists that you see as you go about your daily business, especially on a Sunday!

Annoying cyclists - if you want to see us that way!
Annoying cyclists – if you want to see us that way!

Oh there is?

Yes, absolutely! Of course there is!

Get rid of annoying cyclists in an instant!

It’s as simple as this – take all those annoying cyclists, and remove the first word, you know, the one about them being annoying.

There you go, now you just have cyclists.

Let’s do this again!

Annoying cyclists!

There you go!

Like you, they are going about their everyday business. Like you, the chances are, that they are probably drivers as well, it’s just that right now, they are riding their bikes.

But they are still there, right?

Absolutely! Cyclists have the same right to use the roads that you do – no more, no less, apart from the small fact that cyclists are able to use the road regardless, whereas you as a driver are only able to keep driving on licence, and by driving a vehicle that has passed its MOT test, and is suitably insured for you to be driving it.


So it’s not fair, is it? You have to share the road with cyclists who aren’t required to have any licence or insurance, and who also pay no direct taxes towards the upkeep of the roads that they are cycling on.

Now what you want to do about it? You could go on to 38degrees and start yet another petition calling for all these things to be changed, or you could just accept this one simple reality – the reason why driving is regulated and cycling is not is because you the driver, or more specifically the car that you the driver drive has the most potential to do so much more harm.

No exemptions, just the way it is

Cyclists don’t have any kind of special exemption, they are simply regulated according to their position in the road user chain – one up from pedestrians and one below scooters and motorbikes. Unlike pedestrians, cyclists are still required to not just obey the highway code, but to obey road signs, and yes, to obey traffic lights.

But, but, but – you see cyclists jumping red lights all the time, don’t you? That’s largely because you choose to see it and then amplify it, just as you’ll probably choose to ignore all the much more dangerous speeding that is done by drivers, and you’ll probably ignore other drivers texting or using their phone when they drive – because you don’t do this yourself, except when you really need to, like when you need to call home to say that you’ll be 5 minutes late because there’s been a bit more traffic than you expected, right?

Spreading the jam

What do you think caused the traffic jam in the first place – cyclists; drivers already stuck in traffic jams and texting; or just too many drivers in the first place? Whichever way you look at it, it’s your fellow drivers who are causing traffic jams most of the time. But don’t believe me, I’m just a plastic figure from Denmark, what should I know?

As smooth as plastic

Except that the Danish capital, Copenhagen, actually has the lowest levels of congestion of any major European capital city – right on a par with Amsterdam, and Budapest. Now what have 2 out of these 3 cities got in common? Yes, that’s right, they’ve got lots and lots of cyclists, but very low levels of congestion, exactly as you will find in most other Danish or Dutch cities. The reasons for this are very simple – bikes take up less space than cars, that’s all!

So there you go – I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit preachy on this one, but I’m writing this on a Sunday afternoon, and I’ve been out earlier to have a nice bike ride, but unfortunately, there’s always one or two irate motorists like yourself who get in the way of my enjoyment. I can’t choose to ignore you when you are tailgating me from just 10 (Lego) paces behind, just as I can’t ignore you when you pass me too closely – these are things that you can do which really do put me in danger.

Annoying Cyclists are just in your head

You on the other hand can choose to stop getting annoyed by the everyday cyclist who just wants to get somewhere. I’m sure you want to get somewhere too. So the more cyclists there are, the quicker you will get where you need to get to, however you choose to get there.

Happy driving!

Will the Wasp (who is actually just a normal every day Lego person who just happens to be cycling to a fancy dress party)

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